


That Ol' Southern Hospitality

by Grandma_Wolf



Series: Tumblr Requests [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Witchcraft, Itachi is just new to town, M/M, Prompt Fill, Short & Sweet, Southern witches, Tumblr Prompt, well really Kisa and Hidan are the Southern ones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 18:06:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9670097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grandma_Wolf/pseuds/Grandma_Wolf
Summary: When one is stuck working long into the night, mixing this potion, boiling that concoction, you don't expect your Southern Beau boyfriend to barge in out of nowhere: asking to use your oven to bake a Girl Scout platoon's-worth of cookies.Oh well, c'est la vie.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this is actually part one of a two-part prompt request I got over at tumblr. Out of the two, I'm a bit warmer to this one and I have a feeling you all will be too. Just like the other one, I underlined the actual prompt when it appears in the fic. 
> 
> I hope you like it, anon!

* * *

 

He had been dozing in and out of sleep when his phone rang, piercing through the still cold of night.

He groaned, pinching at the bridge of his nose, rubbing two fingers along the stress lines on either side. Dark eyes blinked open blearily as he yawned, “You'd better be damn handsome or Old Stitch himself.”

He swiped 'Answer' without even looking, “Hello?”

“Hey, are you awake right now?” The voice on the other end asked, his voice a low, Southern drawl in gravel.

Itachi Uchiha turned around in the office chair he was seated in, looking none too impressed, “If I wasn't I wouldn't be contemplating all the ways I could strangle you from here now, would I?”

The chuckle in his ear was pleasant. Though the annoyance it caused wasn't as much.

“Seriously, though,” The person on the other end began again and Itachi could hear the opening and shutting of a car door, along with the rustling of several grocery bags.

“I need you to help me bake two-hundred cookies.”

Itachi snorted out a laugh, shaking his head. He hadn't heard that. He couldn't have just heard that.

“The Mandrake pollen must be going to my brain,” He sighed, “Because I could have sworn that you just asked me to help you bake two-hundred cookies.”

There wasn't a response.

Save for the ignition of a car's engine.

“Oh, for the love of...” Itachi groaned, snapping out, “Damn it, Kisame!”

“I lost a bet!” This Kisame person offered in defense. “Come on, babe, help me out.”

Itachi rolled his eyes and walked to the counter where several Benson burners were toiling under several vials: one's contents thick and pink, one's contents shimmering and pale, and another's thin and mauve.

“Kisame, I have several potions of differing constitutions curing. I can't leave them just to help you bake --”

“Too late, I'm outside.” Kisame said, Itachi hearing an engine outside his condo and the shutting of car doors on the phone and outside his front door.

Itachi sighed, moving his index and pointer finger in a circle. His inky locks of hair loosened from the flimsy tie holding them for a moment before his hair was pulled back into a ponytail by an invisible force.

A low purr from near his ankle turned into an inquisitive meow.

'Should I prepare tea, Master?'

Itachi looked down to see his familiar, a black cat with glimmering red eyes (he insisted that the classics were the best), looking up at him.

Itachi hung up the phone. “Yes. I think the vanilla-citrus blend would be best, don't you Tsukuyomi?”

* * *

 

They decided to switch off until Itachi's potions were done: one would watch them, the other would bake, vice-versa.

Thankfully, Itachi's potions cured up sooner than he had anticipated. He removed the beakers from the burners and set them onto cooling racks before he walked into the kitchen.

He had to be careful not to trip over Tsukuyomi or the large dog he rested upon. The dog looked normal to most, but the distinct lack of a shadow proved that it was his boyfriend's familiar.

Speaking of the other witch...

At six-foot-seven and built like a beast rather than a man, Kisame was his perfect Southern beau. Sometimes Itachi felt that his move to New Orleans had been ripped out of some naive, trashy bodice-ripper: the sheltered wallflower moving to a whimsical city of Southern elegance and becoming entranced by a handsome gentleman.

…

He couldn't even be bothered to care, though: the sex was phenomenal.

Kisame looked up from the book he was reading, something of Itachi's he had plucked off from the shelf on his way in. With the baking sheets sliding cooled cookies into boxes on their own, Kisame grinned. “Finished with your mixin', sha?”

Itachi always had to do a double-take whenever any creole was directed at him in that deep, crooning voice. Sha... Sha... Oh, 'chere'!

“Just finished.” Itachi replied, one of the trays floating in front of him.

“Come on,” Kisame turned around to set the last batch of cookies in the oven, “I know that you've been curious.”

Well, Itachi wasn't going to turn down free sweets. “So,” He began as he bit into a chocolate chip cookie, “What was the bet in question?”

Kisame chuckled, “Me and Hidan, we went to Bourbon and got straight Cooyon. When we decided to call it quits, we saw the sweetest little under-construction office space and Hidan looks over to me and says...”

* * *

 

_“Bet ya can't climb it.” The witch with the slicked back hair and ruby eyes punched Kisame in the shoulder._

_Kisame looked at the almost-building in question. He nodded to himself, already letting the magic flow through his hands and feet. “What do I get if I win?” He asked._

_Hidan hummed as he thought about it. He snapped his fingers, slurring out, “You win... And I'll convince Itachi to let you fuck 'im in that little red piece of nothing lingerie you've been eyein'.”_

_Tempting... Though, not only did Kisame know that Itachi was far too powerful to let any hexes affect his mind, but Kisame would never want someone to use magic on his love in order to mess with his mind. Still, he humored Hidan._

_“What do you get if I lose?” He asked._

_Hidan grinned. “If you don't make it up, you gonna bake cookies for my entire orphanage. I'm talking Snickerdoodle, chocolate chip, the whole nine.”_

_Kisame shook his head and walked over to the construction-site. The girders were up, nice and sturdy, and if Kisame kept his focus strong, he could very well make it to the top. So, he made sure that no ignorant eyes were around as he stepped backwards. He ran forward and jumped: his feet sticking to the steel girders. He ran up along the side of the almost-building, as if he were jogging along the road. This was too easy, he could make it. He would make it! He –_

* * *

 

“Didn't make it, did you?” Itachi folded his arms. Kisame pressed a cookie into his mouth, licking the chocolate off of his lips.

“A security guard came and ruined my focus!” He frowned, especially when he could hear Itachi failing to stifle his chuckles. “Ah?” Kisame strolled over, looking down at his boyfriend. “You think it's funny?”

Itachi looked up at him, seeing the mirth in those dark eyes and knowing that everything was being said in jest. “Oh, I think it's _hilarious_.”

Kisame chuckled, holding his hand out to the side and circling his index and pointer finger. He sharply waved them to the left. Itachi wanted to question what he was doing until he heard the blooming trumpet tones of [Cab Calloway](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znAaOYJh9Ec) playing on the stereo in the main room. He looked back to see Kisame step back a bit and bow before offering his hand.

“You are too much.” Itachi took the offered hand, stepping close to Kisame. They swayed back and forth, making a lazy circle: Kisame leading the slow dance. Itachi didn't even bother when he felt large hands lower down, down, groping at his ass as they moved across the floor. He reached up to Kisame's neck, pulling him down so their mouths could press and melt together. Kisame rocked forward, Itachi pecking his lips once more. He pulled back, whispering, “Believe it or not, I'm too tired for sex tonight.”

“Well,” Kisame hummed in understanding and agreement, “It wouldn't be gentlemanly of me to try and convince you, sha. But are you okay with... _this_?”

Itachi sighed, falling into motion with Kisame's steps: his head against the broad, warm chest. “Oh, I am _always_ okay with this.”

* * *

 

Samehada, the dog that was really Kisame's familiar, was busy packing the boxes of cookies into Kisame's car while the tall witch said his goodbyes.

“You make sure that Hidan knows you had to use my kitchen for this.” Itachi said, but the smile on his petal-soft lips showed the intent.

Kisame laughed, but he did manage to ask, “Me and Hidan were thinking of driving out to the Tchefunte Site next weekend. He's invitin' Kakuzu, so I wanted to extend the invitation to you.” Itachi had to think. It would be nice to speak with Kakuzu again: the alchemist being quite the knowledgeable source when it came to science and old magic.

“I'll call you when I've cleared my schedule.” Itachi promised. Kisame smiled, nodding in silence. He should have left then. There was nothing else to do... But...

Kisame tilted Itachi's chin up, kissing him again: long and deep. The potions he made were superfluous compared to the elixir of his mouth.

'Master!' Samehada barked out, 'I've finished with the packing!'

Kisame begrudgingly pulled away from Itachi, rasping out, “Sha mo lemme t'oi...” He then ruffled Itachi's hair and jogged over to his car.

Itachi watched his man drive off, stepping back into his home as he thought about what he had said. 'Sha mo lemme t'oi'... 'Sha mo' – Oh!

He chuckled and smiled to himself, picking Tsukuyomi up from the ground and carrying him upstairs to his bedroom.

* * *

 

_'My dear... I love you so...'_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Translation notes: 
> 
> Sha - 'Chere' or 'dear'
> 
> Cooyon - crazy
> 
> Sha mo lemme t'oi - 'My dear I love you so'
> 
> So, before anyone asks: yes, I was trying to watch American Horror Story - Coven while trying to make this prompt work. *shrug-face* I like it: I think it came out kind of cute and, if anyone else wants to incorporate this setting into a fic, go on ahead: I really would like to see what anyone could come up with. 
> 
> Thanks again for the prompts, anon. And, to everyone else: I'm always available to chat or for prompts over on my tumblr! TTFN: Ta ta for now!
> 
> \- Grandma


End file.
